When her husband of more than a decade revealed he was gay, Anna Marie Will was surprised -- but not shocked.
Her husband, Jim, had never fit her stereotypical idea of the sports-loving, macho, straight guy, and the two had even gone to gay bars with a friend who was gay. But that didn't mean she was prepared for the news.
"Neither one of us had a clue -- he didn't know what being gay meant for him. ... He needed to figure that out," recalls Anna Marie Will, of Sacramento, California. "I needed to figure out what his being gay meant for me, and whether I could incorporate that into my life and my marriage."
Jim and Anna Marie Will decided to stay together after he announced he was gay.
I know I'm going to sound like a looney tune here, but I don't know, how about you be honest with your spouse BEFORE you get married? Understand the consequences of your actions and how they may effect a loved one or any potential children.
If you're gay, that's ok. I'll be the first one to advocate for you to enjoy the same rights as everyone else, including marriage. However, when you are dishonest with someone and go through marriage and even children, you're lying to people who love you dearly and that's not fair to them.
The straight spouse is likely to feel that his or her sexual orientation has been rejected, says Buxton, whose first marriage ended in the early '80s after her husband came out. The straight spouse often also feels deceived and questions his or her beliefs about gender, as well as assumptions about the relationship: Wasn't I enough of a woman to keep him from straying? Wasn't I man enough to keep her from "turning"?
I know I'd have some serious questions to ask if my wife came out as a lesbian. Like, "Cool! Can I join? Do you might if I get a camcorder wired up in the bedroom?" But that's just the guy in me talking. :)
But this particular couple is going to have deeper troubles in the fact that they are staying together. How is he going to feel if she decides she wants a little man love and she gets it from someone else?
Had he been honest with her in the first place, he wouldn't have these problems to begin with.
Travis
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